Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
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So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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