Say something about gay babies.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
