I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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