Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
