FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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