Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize