I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
