Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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