You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
