I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
