Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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