is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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