How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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