White coat. Heels.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
