Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
