it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
