honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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