Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
