I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
