Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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