Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Randomize
