so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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