The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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