even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
