he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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