she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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