dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
