It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
