I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
