Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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