do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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