I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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