winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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