Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize