....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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