I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
