I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
