I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
