also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
