i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
