God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
