I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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