Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
