my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
