So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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