My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
