where am i from again
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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