Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
