i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
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I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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