My Higher Power is John Stamos
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
