WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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