Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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