walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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