Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
