I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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