just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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