You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
