guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
