I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
