you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
