If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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