You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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