So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
