i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
